the best way to make lunch without food...

Frught Lupes Hman Ass Orchestra, The worlds most controversial and influential band, focuses Americas attention to love, sex, world conquest and corduroy pants...

It was a bright sunday morning when i made my way to El Sobrante to interview Frught Lupes. As I didnšt quite know what to expect , I came with an open mind, afterall, this is the most influential band. I was asked to meet them at the local Taco Bell, but when I arrived, they were nowhere to be seen. Instead, was a note written with taco sauce on the front door. MEET US AT CHEESE PARK-FLHAO. It took me a while to find the park, but when I finally arrived, I found them sitting in a hole, which they appeared to have dug themselves. I thought this was strange, but I joined them anyway. We quickly introduced ourselves. B.J. was wearing a paper mache leiderhosen and would not stop complaining about the wind. Flobby was wearing a bodysuit made of videotape, and Zarnac was wearing a houseplant and shoes which he referred to simply as Chicken Loafers. (Shoes made of chicken, with rubber soles.) I was destined to find out what makes Frught Lupes tick.

FMV: Have you personnally ever wanted to kill cops?

BJ: Its funny that you ask that...

FMV: What do you mean?

BJ: I dont know, It just is. (nods of agreement go through the band)

Flobby: Well you see, when I was a kid I used to be afraid to jump in the water because I was afraid fo sharks, but to this day I hate to drive...

Zarnac: Yeah, and in a big way!!

B.J.: Quack!! Quack!! (more nods of agreement)

FMV: What is it like growing up in El Sobrante?

Zarnac: Well, to tell you the truth, its been a long fuckin ride, but you get used to the same stuff every nite, but you donšt get used the natural stuff and all that. Its almost lke you get sick of the natural stuff, but then you dont, unless of course, you donšt go out much.

FMV: On your first album, in the song USS Freakazoid, you guys mention orangutangs-- are you guys vegaterians?

B.J.: I was until I started eating meat, but that was before the band.

Flobby: Hey, the ground is getting dry-- should we dig deeper?

B.J. : Wheres the shovel?

In the next half hour, I watched the band proceed to dig deeper and deeper as they sang the Madonna song to the same name. About a half hour passed, and I noticed that I could no longer see them, and that the interview was seemingly over. I waited around for about an hour, until I noticed that the band had resurfaced right behind me.

Zarnac: Come on in, theres room for four...

FMV: Is there room for five?

B.J. Suddenly became irritated and uncomfortabel and proceeded to make strange sucking sounds.

Flobby: Dont mind him, hes in the band

FMV:Does you current success bother you?

Flobby: I didnt know we had fans!!

Zarnac: Whats this about?

B.J.: Our fans dont like to complaign about the music, but sometimes its better that way, wspecially because the way the music industry works, its basically a free for all, and consrtuctive criticism, whether constructive or not, can really ruin a bands image. Its really improtant that the public understands that we havent created this band for the sake of saving money. It has more to do with horticulture.

FMV: Do you have any pets?

Zarnac:No, but I once worked as a live-in per for this swedish family. They didnt care much for my long hair though.

B.J. They arenšt like they used to be.

FMV: Pets?

B.J.: What?

FMV: What isnšt like it used to be?

B.J.: Im thirsty.

The band seemed distant, especially Zarnac, who began singing Danish folklore to the pace of B.J.šs skillfull beat-box. As they contined, I decided to use this time to talk to Flobby who seemed anxious to talk to me.

Flobby: So, do you come here often?

At this point, I was confused.

B.J. and Zarnac: How did we get in this hole?

Flobby: Itšs happening again!!!!!!

FMV: So since you band only practiced at midnight, is it hard to arrange your hours?

Flobby: Leave us alone...

The band just got up and left. That was the last I ever saw of them...

Fredricka Montoya Valdez

Frught Lupes
Frught Lupes Webmaster
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